Dialogues: Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series

Your analyses are always too kind, Ken, and your observation about Funmi is right on the money. I bet it's the "Ruth" in her without the "lessness" that has married her depth of intellect with astute humanity. I predict she'll have so much to gain, even as the case was for the primordial Ruth. Thanks for sharing your beautiful etymology of "ruthlessness" - never heard of it. it's a neologism that has apparently passed the test of time, and I love it. In my mind, I think kindness is almost always packaged into the outward satisfaction of both the giver and the recipient; many times, however, only the giver enjoys the fact of doling out fairness. That's why the Yoruba say, "Olooto ii leni . . ." (The one who is truthful (aka fair) doesn't always have a place to lay his/her head and sleep). However, they always never forget to add: "Sugbon ko nil sun aarin awon ika" (But s/he would certainly not sleep among the wicked).

Have a nice week, friends . . .

Michael

On Wednesday, August 9, 2017 9:56 AM, Kenneth Harrow <harrow@msu.edu> wrote:

Hi michael

I figured everyone knew I was joking around funmi's signature saying, to all her postings, "in the absence of greatness, mediocrity thrives."

One can read that many ways, of course, but in some cultures it might be thought that part of the path to greatness for many entails a measure of ruthlessness.

Ruth, is a beautiful word, actually. In english we mostly see it in its marriage to "less", but its older usage is linked to the biblical ruth, who is a figure for compassion, for a woman's steadfastness in her friendship for another older woman.

funmi's postings are typically compelling signals of important cultural moments or events, they convey her concern to give us a moment of pleasure in wonderful things, like authors and their accomplishments, or music or the arts. Hers signals a greatness that comes in sharing, not in beating others, so she exhibits the better side of ruth. that's why her choice of trying to be kind matters so much.

I agree, michael, that as faculty we have to be fair, evenif it seems hard on the students. We can't grade without meeting that moment of choice, called hard choices, and feeling guilty if you decide to be too compassionate.

When a student says the prof is too kind, he or she is probably not saying, I didn't deserve the grade. Your old prof in the story misread it because he was mediocre, and misreading the student was too ruthless. He should have asked funmi first!

ken

Kenneth Harrow

Dept of English and Film Studies

Michigan State University

619 Red Cedar Rd

East Lansing, MI 48824

517-803-8839

harrow@msu.edu

http://www.english.msu.edu/people/faculty/kenneth-harrow/

From: usaafricadialogue <usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com>
Reply-To: usaafricadialogue <usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com>
Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 at 15:52
To: usaafricadialogue <usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com>
Subject: Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Love: Kindness

Quite an interesting conversation, Ken and Funmi! Sorry, as often is the case, I am a latecomer to this useful discourse.

I have a story. It was during my tenure hearing years back. An old professor on the tenure committee picked up a single phrase from the volumes of my students' evaluation comments, where one student wrote, "He is too kind." The old man now turned to me and asked, "You know this could be some negative comment, right?" "No, I don't," I responded with a smile - actually, with a giggle. I gave the "all American" committee a big laugh when I said, "As you know, Americans are not known for writing good English; the young fellow probably wanted to say, 'He is very kind.'" I further explained that I also thought the student might have confused fairness with kindness. While I truly appreciated being seen as "kind," I thought the most important attribute I carried on my professional sleeves was fairness, and, unfortunately, my students were not used to being treated fairly. My tenure decision was almost unanimous - minus one (that's why I called him "old" instead of "elderly," "older,"or "experienced") - Lol!

Why my story? Well, in response to Funmi's initial premise, I think it's okay to be kind. Indeed kindness is prima facie to embracing humanity, BUT I think even beyond the cloak of kindness we should wear fairness inside and out. If by chance one does not manifest kindness in some instances, if one is fair, in my own judgment, it would be okay. If, for instance, the clerk who refused to grant entry to Funmi did so as a result of some instruction given him or in response to some form of safety concern, I would consider it to be okay, although it did not come out as kindness to her. My concern to the mystic Johan Ruysbroeck's solution to the route of perfection is that it does not include circumstances of necessary unkindnesses that have redeeming qualities. O, could it actually be because the attainment of perfection for the mortal is only a futile imagination?

Just thinking about your thinkings . . .

Michael O. Afolayan

From the Land of Lincoln

On Wednesday, August 9, 2017 3:59 AM, Kenneth Harrow <harrow@msu.edu> wrote:

Hi funmi

Your postings are always kind. I think you've won the war

Ken

Kenneth Harrow

Dept of English and Film Studies

Michigan State University

619 Red Cedar Rd

East Lansing, MI 48824

517-803-8839

harrow@msu.edu

http://www.english.msu.edu/people/faculty/kenneth-harrow/

From: usaafricadialogue <usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com> on behalf of Funmi Tofowomo Okelola <funmitofowomo@gmail.com>
Reply-To: usaafricadialogue <usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com>
Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 at 04:53
To: usaafricadialogue <usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com>
Cc: Funmi Tofowomo Okelola <cafeafricana1@aol.com>
Subject: Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Love: Kindness

Prof,

After a traumatic experience with a sociopath, I made a conscious decision to always be kind; and most importantly, to be cognizant of unkindness behavior from clients, friends, family members, and Others. Greatness is not a prerequisite for kindness, and being kind has no relationship with mediocrity.

Anyway, earlier today, I was in Court for a disposition hearing on a case. When I arrived in Department 6, the door was closed and I observed some defendants were seating and waiting, while others were conversing with their lawyers. I stood by the door waiting for the Bailiff or the Court Clerk to open the door in order to enter the Courtroom. (I was wearing my badge while standing by the door).

Well, the Court Clerk arrived and he said "Are you a County Counsel?" I replied that I was not a County Counsel, but ERCSW. He replied rudely "Just wait for the Bailiff." After his conversation with me, he opened the door and he allowed an attorney to enter the Courtroom with him. I stood at the door contemplating my next move. Then, another attorney arrived and he opened the unmanned door and went inside the CR. At this point, I made the decision to wait few more minutes for my client. However, my client didn't arrive on time. Thus, I went inside the Courtroom and sat down on the left side of the aisle. While sitting down, the Court Clerk raised up his head and stared at me. I stared back at him. And he went to talk to one of the lawyers and I heard him stating "Is the Bailiff in yet?" He kept going up and down the aisle like a timid tyrant, however, he couldn't approach me. After couple of minutes, the Bailiff came and he was very kind and he offered to help me. Then, the Presiding Judge came in and immediately she also offered to help me. She was very kind. She wasn't judgmental. She asked for the name of my client and the name of my Department. And she said "I won't keep you long today.", with a smile.

What is my point? I've been in Court many, many times, and the protocol is for the Court Clerk to observe my badge and to allow me to enter the Courtroom. However, this particular Clerk failed to follow the protocol. Instead, he told me to wait for the Bailiff. He was very unkind.

Personally, kindness comes in small packages. It's a choice to be kind or to be unkind. My choice is always to be kind.

Well, have a good evening, Prof.

On Tuesday, August 8, 2017 at 7:38:10 AM UTC-7, Kenneth Harrow wrote:

But can you become great if you are kind all the time, or will your kindness make you mediocre.
Funmi, got to make up your mind…!
ken
Kenneth Harrow
Dept of English and Film Studies
Michigan State University
619 Red Cedar Rd
East Lansing, MI 48824
517-803-8839
har...@msu.edu
http://www.english.msu.edu/ people/faculty/kenneth-harrow/

From: usaafricadialogue <usaafric...@ googlegroups.com> on behalf of Funmi Tofowomo Okelola <funmit...@gmail.com>
Reply-To: usaafricadialogue <usaafric...@ googlegroups.com>
Date: Tuesday, 8 August 2017 at 16:07
To: usaafricadialogue <usaafric...@ googlegroups.com>
Cc: Funmi Tofowomo Okelola <cafeaf...@aol.com>
Subject: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Love: Kindness

Eknath Easwaran
6 mins ·
The great medieval mystic Johan Ruysbroeck, when asked how to become perfect, gave the same answer: "Be kind, be kind, be kind." When we remove all unkindness from our deeds, words, thoughts, and feelings, what remains is our natural state of love.
This may sound simple, but it demands many years of sustained effort to eliminate all unkindness from our inner and outer lives. Some would say that this is humanly impossible – that it is beyond human nature to return kindness for unkindness even in our thoughts. Only when we see someone who has attained these heights do we begin to say, "Maybe it is possible, after all." When we come in contact with such a person, we know there is no limit to the human capacity to love.
– Eknath Easwaran, from "The Constant Companion"

Funmi Tofowomo Okelola

-In the absence of greatness, mediocrity thrives.

http://www.cafeafricana.com

On Twitter: @Bookwormlit
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Dialogues

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Love: Kindness

Eknath Easwaran

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