Dear Mr Wilson Iguade,
Good morning and thank you for your response.
I have not said it is not possible for people to change for the better.
A person, especially an adult who is going off track is likely to change if they are in sober circumstances. I did mention in the article you read that there is a possibility for change, however, it has to be engineered by a sober and reflective mind which unfortunately is not possible at a point in the person's life when the person is intoxicated by the euphoria of power and wealth :
" ........ If at all one has to learn lessons later in life, the impact of such lessons can only be felt (such lessons can only work) when the adult is in a sober and reflective frame of mind. Right now, the euphoria is high for these women. Not even the tranquillity of Obudu Cattle Ranch can cool these engulfing embers fuelled by power and wealth."
The likelihood of change is thread thin because our country Nigeria is reputed as a country where people go free after doing what is morally wrong to their Nation and fellow human beings. There are no fears of reprisal because they are aware that "nothing will come out of it". In Nigeria once you have money and power, a person can get away with almost anything.
If we really want to teach good manners to most Nigerians, you must first "break them" by telling them bitter truths and making them understand what our actual position is on the global stage. Nigerians could sometimes be blindly arrogant. An arrogant person is often impervious to advise. What is likely to work better is telling such as person the bitter truth and consequences of "bad manners" which he or she could go back to reflect on , not only because of the truth they have been told but a reflection on issues would commence in quieter moments, because accompanying punishments for such actions have clearly been spelt out. Therefore, working from the premise of the would be punishment, the person is then obliged to look back in a sober perspective or state of mind, to reflecting on ways of implementing a change for the good of themselves and the society.
These women know what is universally acceptable. When these women were in school and growing up in the Nigeria of the past, they were taught the same things everyone was taught. However, it is easier to sway from the narrow path to the wide and free high road where no questions are asked, where it is free for all and it is "carry go". This is because in Nigeria, nobody asks questions anymore, in Nigeria there is nothing like a sensitivity to the fear of shame and dishonour ; interestingly, in Nigeria today, shame and dishonour can easily be erased by the deceptive cocoon of money and power.
Most wealthy and powerful Nigerians know that almost anything is possible as long as it remains within the borders of Nigeria. So why do they have to be sober? And as long as we are not sober, little or no progress can be made. Stringent but civilized measures which would be adhered to should be adopted in curbing attitudes we do not want in our society. What you say or do to reprimand a child, is not likely to work for an adult who is his or her own boss and is already "hardened" in exploring the free high road of life. You would need to implore tougher measures in putting an adult in check. These women know the right things to do, but would rather not do it because in Nigeria, anything goes. Probably, it would be better to tell people the sobering consequences of putting aside what we were all taught as children and in school rather than try re-teaching them. The government should not allow the "nothing will come out of it" culture anymore. When adults, know there is no diplomatic immunity for anyone here on earth, neither are there sacred cows, everyone would be sober. We can then recommence our lessons on good manners; hopefully, on that premise, there would be little to teach on decorum. Sincerely speaking, what these women need to do is go back, pick that manual on decorum we were all given as children and follow it to the letter.
By permitting the worship and superiority of money and power over honour and self respect, most Nigerians have got the basic principles of living a sustainable life wrong. A society can only thrive when a malfunction is instantly checked and uprooted. None of us would encourage the nourishment of a malignant tumour, irrespective of its size or the part of the body it has chosen to roost.
As long as we continue treating "bad manners" and "misbehaviour" as pets by taking "bad manners" and "misbehaviour" on pleasure trips to holiday resorts, we are merely feeding these vices. Can anyone amongst us remember our parents fussing over us by taking any of us on a holiday to teach us good manners after we misbehaved or they felt we needed taming? No; you do not get a holiday to be taught things they feel you ought to know. Did you ever come home with a bad report card and your parents took you on holiday to teach you how to be a good student? Oh no...definitely not. We all knew the consequences of even the case of a good report card with many A*s but a negative remark from the teacher on the comments section of the report card; not to mention a report card with bad grades. That was the perfect formula that required swift punishment. We all remember how we feared the whip of the tongue, the angry faces of our parents, sometimes, we got flogged. I knew if I dared misbehave or returned home with a poor results in my report card that was the end of the long awaited summer holiday to those beautiful places my mother had promised me. I would be banned from attending any disco parties. If anyone had been reported for misbehaviour, such a child dared not speak when others were speaking. Our parents were quick to remind us to be quiet, saying : "who gave you the mouth to talk when others are talking? Better go and read your books...nonsense..!!!.". I am sure we all remember this. A similar approach should be adopted with misbehaving adults.
Human beings make an attempt to change when we are aware of the consequences of our actions. This can only be achieved when a person is sober and knows there are embarrassing and disgraceful consequences which would definitely be accompanied with painful punishment. This is likely to happen when we all know that as it was when we were in school, no one was above the law. There were no sacred cows. A summon to the principal's office triggered ripples of fear and likely problems if you were in the wrong. For misbehaving Nigerian leaders and Nigerian women in the upper echelons of power, the fear of being summoned to the principal's office when they were in school, is more terrifying than the fear of EFCC. With the principal, there was no escape, but with the Nigerian government and EFCC, there is plenty room for manoeuvre.
Regards,
Ifuemi.
05/08/2011
i must miss the point being conveyed below, is it that we cannot teach old dogs new tricks, pardon by expression.
if so, i totally disagree. enuff said.
one more thing, before i go!
the mindset exhibited from the presentation below as i understand the presentation is exactly the mindset that we are lock in regardless of how we suck we make excuses to continue to remain sucking. change is mission impossible to the typical Nigerian mindset, and this was on display in the presentation below. to suggest that human beings regardless of age and wealth cannot change and learn is troubling at best, why do we wonder that Nigeria is NOT moving? again, it is indeed the miseducation of our learned community. how can any reasonable person write that the mind of an individual is limited and static and we are celebrating such prose. it is the grammar? okay, i concede that the sentenses were well put together.
my type do not give a damn about grammar, what is the damn CONTENT? from what i gathered in reading the presentation below, i reject the "content" (MESSAGE) in its entirety, which to me says why is the first lady wasting time with such conference or retreat because those in attendance WILL not learn and change because they are rich and powerful. wow! we should just stop writing and posting in these forums because we all are dry fish and cannot be bent (bend). in my mindset, any human being as long as they are alive and breathing CAN learn, period.
Wilson Iguade
Founder & President
IGUADE INSTITUTE OF ADVANCE STUDIES
"The actualization of individual rights requires the banishment of tangible force from any relationships (person, entity, or society). In other words, rights can be violated only by means of force. In a civilize community; no person or group may initiate the use of physical (tangible) force against other person. Should that happens, the main function of the government is the task of protecting that person's rights from brute force. The government acts as the agent of man's right of self-defense, and can use force only in retaliation and only against those who initiate physical force. Therefore, the government is the means of planning the retaliatory use of force for justice". By Wilson Iguade
"In a culture where abject education system produce educated illiterates, bloody misinformation, or damn misrepresentations dominant in the politico-economic debate in the polity with such arrogance, such intellectual impunity, or such aura of misguided moral righteousness – the guiltiest are not the educated buffoons at work; the guiltiest are those who do NOT dare the courage regardless of their class in such culture - to challenge mysticism, altruism, or collectivism - used to oppress in that culture. But will rather defend mysticism, altruism, or collectivism as moral and rational in the development of humanity when such relevance does not exist". By Wilson Iguade
From: ifuemia <ifuemia@googlemail.com>
To: NIgerianWorldForum@yahoogroups.com; Nigerian IDENTITY <NigerianID@yahoogroups.com>; OBSERVE YOURSELF <NaijaObserver@yahoogroups.com>; USAAfricaDialogue@googlegroups.com
Sent: Thursday, August 4, 2011 8:06 AM
Subject: ||NaijaObserver|| REFLECTIONS ON " JONATHAN'S SPOUSE LECTURES ON PROTOCOL" : LESSONS AT OBUDU CATTLE RANCH : TEACHING NIGERIAN WOMEN GOOD MANNERS
Reflections on Lessons at Obudu Cattle Ranch:Teaching Nigerian Women Good MannersByIfuemi Adepoju04/08/2011
As I sat quietly in my study early this morning, against a backdrop of birds chirping happily heralding in a new day, I read an article titled : "Jonathan's spouse lectures on protocol" [1], I smiled softly. In a gentle suddenness, I found myself at a portal, which transported me back in time. It led me to a path, where I was quietly strolling in the memories of my childhood. After which I saw myself in an ancient museum of childhood, being given a complete manual on decorum. With this manual, I was to navigate my way through life.
Training in etiquette is not a classroom subject you teach mature Nigerian women who are often arrogant and terribly bad mannered. When most Nigerians find themselves in a position of power, one is inclined to thinking the devil has force fed them with a meal heavily spiced with arrogance. Sometimes the men are able to hide this arrogance but the women could be terrible. Good manners and humility is what parents teach their children, this they carry along with them as they become adults. A proper and balanced school education also helps in putting oneself in check when in public. All these lessons become the manual which we carry in our subconscious as a vital tool which assists us in navigating the journey of life.Whatever Mrs Jonathan is trying to teach those women is likely to fall on rocky ground ; because these women are in a position of power in a country where money is god. I remember one of my teachers in school, when we were children, would advise us during school assembly, "you cannot bend dry fish" . This meant that as children, it was easier to teach us than it would be teaching adults and whatever we were taught would become ingrained in us; because once a person became mature, it would be difficult if not impossible to teach the person . Dry fish we all know that once you try bending it, it breaks.Decorum is not what you are taught in the afternoon or evening of one's life. If at all one has to learn lessons later in life, the impact of such lessons can only be felt (such lessons can only work) when the adult is in a sober and reflective frame of mind. Right now, the euphoria is high for these women. Not even the tranquillity of Obudu Cattle Ranch can cool these engulfing embers fuelled by power and wealth.A wicked, mean, selfish and greedy adult, is a wicked, mean selfish and greedy adult. If you are not a kind person, you are not a kind person. Etiquette, decorum, courtesy and similar aspects of life which resonate decency are essential strands of human existence we ought to have learnt as children. Effective administration and time management we learn both at home and in specialized schools of higher education offering those courses; if that's your career path.Our best teachers are our parents, while our conscience cautions us when we are about to stray from those teachings. Sadly, many Nigerians would rather worship money and power, throwing away all the decorum and social graces they were taught as they grew up in humble backgrounds. The cautioner, our conscience which whispers into our ears is often brutally drugged in the spirits of these money loving Nigerians; "Conscience" is so badly drugged that "Conscience" has become terribly stoned and has fallen into a state of coma.A good number of Nigerians have the spirit of grab and horde; the women want to wear the largest diamonds and gold, oust other "big" men's wives in dressing while ignoring the needs of all around them. Who is that who dares challenge them? Wetin dat person chop bellefull? How dare they ??? They forget that although we do not know what happens after death , what we all know is that death is inevitable and when it eventually calls, we are taking nothing with us.The only thing that is emotionally comforting for those loved ones left behind who one must have looted and horded on their behalf, is the good name and kind words people would say about you. At such trying times, material wealth is meaningless.Who knows, maybe what those on earth say about you is part of the score sheet that the soul which was once human has to use as a means crossing peacefully to the great beyond?Just as in school , one must get certain grades in all courses to enable a move on to the next level; what if one of the " course" scores which allows the soul move on to level of promotion are a compilation of the positive reflections people have of you or kind words people say about you? Do we really know if it is our very treatment of our fellow human beings and the environment created by God that would give us that peaceful eternal rest which all pray for?Really none of us can confirm what happens to the human being's soul when that eventual silence comes upon our human flesh. However, one thing I am sure of is, that whoever or whatever being created the human race could not have created us to go "waste", when the human form eventually goes numb and silent. Whoever our creator is, I am sure is not wasteful; thus, there must be a purpose and mission for each one of us in our life time and after this lifetime.Therefore, it is important that when we find ourselves in a position of power or wealth, we do not need anyone to remind us to be well behaved, because as children, our parents taught us to be always well behaved. As children, we also understood that when we had visitors or visited others, we had to be of good character; when we played with our friends we were taught to respect one and other, avoiding anything that would hurt or friends or tarnish the family name.At home, we were taught to be kind to those who worked for our parents and our friend's parents. There is a day which remains indelible in my mind, I was about ten (10) or eleven (11) years old . My mother had given me some housework which I felt was too much for me. Reluctant to do the work which had been assigned to me, I dared drag my feet. Oh....dear me...I asked for the tongue lashing I received .....mummy did not take it easy with me. Wagging her finger furiously at me, my mother went unto a short but pungent lecture, cautioning me that a person's high social status did not make that person better than others. That sobered me as I imagined children who were not as fortunate as myself. I quickly begged forgiveness and did my share of the house work happily.We all also remember that in school, our teachers always told us that our individual image was important to the school because each one of us was an ambassador to the school. We were told to be of excellent behaviour especially when wearing the school uniform, which of course had to be tidy. Bogus hairstyles, silly haircuts or additions to the uniform were taboos. We had to seat up straight, no slouching, stand straight, walk and talk with confidence. All these were a must for every child. Any sign of rudeness was instantly clipped and uprooted. No one was above the law; because according to the head teacher, "you cannot bend dry fish" .Ifuemi Adepoju04/08/2011[1] Agbakwuru J (2011) "Jonathan's spouse lectures on protocol" , Vanguard, http://www.vanguardngr.com/2011/08/jonathan%E2%80%99s-spouse-lectures-on-protocol/ Accessed 04/08/11
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