Reflections on Lessons at Obudu Cattle Ranch:
Teaching Nigerian Women Good MannersBy
Ifuemi Adepoju
04/08/2011
As I sat quietly in my study early this morning, against a backdrop of birds chirping happily heralding in a new day, I read an article titled : "Jonathan's spouse lectures on protocol" [1], I smiled softly. In a gentle suddenness, I found myself at a portal, which transported me back in time. It led me to a path, where I was quietly strolling in the memories of my childhood. After which I saw myself in an ancient museum of childhood, being given a complete manual on decorum. With this manual, I was to navigate my way through life.
Training in etiquette is not a classroom subject you teach mature Nigerian women who are often arrogant and terribly bad mannered. When most Nigerians find themselves in a position of power, one is inclined to thinking the devil has force fed them with a meal heavily spiced with arrogance. Sometimes the men are able to hide this arrogance but the women could be terrible. Good manners and humility is what parents teach their children, this they carry along with them as they become adults. A proper and balanced school education also helps in putting oneself in check when in public. All these lessons become the manual which we carry in our subconscious as a vital tool which assists us in navigating the journey of life.
Whatever Mrs Jonathan is trying to teach those women is likely to fall on rocky ground ; because these women are in a position of power in a country where money is god. I remember one of my teachers in school, when we were children, would advise us during school assembly, "you cannot bend dry fish" . This meant that as children, it was easier to teach us than it would be teaching adults and whatever we were taught would become ingrained in us; because once a person became mature, it would be difficult if not impossible to teach the person . Dry fish we all know that once you try bending it, it breaks.
Decorum is not what you are taught in the afternoon or evening of one's life. If at all one has to learn lessons later in life, the impact of such lessons can only be felt (such lessons can only work) when the adult is in a sober and reflective frame of mind. Right now, the euphoria is high for these women. Not even the tranquillity of Obudu Cattle Ranch can cool these engulfing embers fuelled by power and wealth.
A wicked, mean, selfish and greedy adult, is a wicked, mean selfish and greedy adult. If you are not a kind person, you are not a kind person. Etiquette, decorum, courtesy and similar aspects of life which resonate decency are essential strands of human existence we ought to have learnt as children. Effective administration and time management we learn both at home and in specialized schools of higher education offering those courses; if that's your career path.
Our best teachers are our parents, while our conscience cautions us when we are about to stray from those teachings. Sadly, many Nigerians would rather worship money and power, throwing away all the decorum and social graces they were taught as they grew up in humble backgrounds. The cautioner, our conscience which whispers into our ears is often brutally drugged in the spirits of these money loving Nigerians; "Conscience" is so badly drugged that "Conscience" has become terribly stoned and has fallen into a state of coma.
A good number of Nigerians have the spirit of grab and horde; the women want to wear the largest diamonds and gold, oust other "big" men's wives in dressing while ignoring the needs of all around them. Who is that who dares challenge them? Wetin dat person chop bellefull? How dare they ??? They forget that although we do not know what happens after death , what we all know is that death is inevitable and when it eventually calls, we are taking nothing with us.
The only thing that is emotionally comforting for those loved ones left behind who one must have looted and horded on their behalf, is the good name and kind words people would say about you. At such trying times, material wealth is meaningless.
Who knows, maybe what those on earth say about you is part of the score sheet that the soul which was once human has to use as a means crossing peacefully to the great beyond?
Just as in school , one must get certain grades in all courses to enable a move on to the next level; what if one of the " course" scores which allows the soul move on to level of promotion are a compilation of the positive reflections people have of you or kind words people say about you? Do we really know if it is our very treatment of our fellow human beings and the environment created by God that would give us that peaceful eternal rest which all pray for?
Really none of us can confirm what happens to the human being's soul when that eventual silence comes upon our human flesh. However, one thing I am sure of is, that whoever or whatever being created the human race could not have created us to go "waste", when the human form eventually goes numb and silent. Whoever our creator is, I am sure is not wasteful; thus, there must be a purpose and mission for each one of us in our life time and after this lifetime.
Therefore, it is important that when we find ourselves in a position of power or wealth, we do not need anyone to remind us to be well behaved, because as children, our parents taught us to be always well behaved. As children, we also understood that when we had visitors or visited others, we had to be of good character; when we played with our friends we were taught to respect one and other, avoiding anything that would hurt or friends or tarnish the family name.
At home, we were taught to be kind to those who worked for our parents and our friend's parents. There is a day which remains indelible in my mind, I was about ten (10) or eleven (11) years old . My mother had given me some housework which I felt was too much for me. Reluctant to do the work which had been assigned to me, I dared drag my feet. Oh....dear me...I asked for the tongue lashing I received .....mummy did not take it easy with me. Wagging her finger furiously at me, my mother went unto a short but pungent lecture, cautioning me that a person's high social status did not make that person better than others. That sobered me as I imagined children who were not as fortunate as myself. I quickly begged forgiveness and did my share of the house work happily.
We all also remember that in school, our teachers always told us that our individual image was important to the school because each one of us was an ambassador to the school. We were told to be of excellent behaviour especially when wearing the school uniform, which of course had to be tidy. Bogus hairstyles, silly haircuts or additions to the uniform were taboos. We had to seat up straight, no slouching, stand straight, walk and talk with confidence. All these were a must for every child. Any sign of rudeness was instantly clipped and uprooted. No one was above the law; because according to the head teacher, "you cannot bend dry fish" .
Ifuemi Adepoju
04/08/2011
[1] Agbakwuru J (2011) "Jonathan's spouse lectures on protocol" , Vanguard, http://www.vanguardngr.com/2011/08/jonathan%E2%80%99s-spouse-lectures-on-protocol/ Accessed 04/08/11
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