Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - 12-Point Advice for Diaspora Nigerians Visiting Home

The best pieces of advice I've read in a long time! Thanks a bunch, Moses. They may sound funny, but they could be life-savers. For anyone who is familiar with victims of the "Binto" mentality, these are words to be cast in stone - nuggets of wisdom to the core. As for me, #1 is no problem: my accent has never changed from the first day I entered the shores of America; I can't foresee it changing any time soon. I have a problem with #2, though; I can barely speak pidgin. I will try to improve on the little I know henceforth since I go back and forth. Yep, we have to stay off being made to become some of those "gods of West Africa" that Karin Barber talked about in 1981.

I am the #1 culprit of #12, where you wrote: "...And don't complain excessively about deficiencies in social services and infrastructure." I do that a whole lot, I must confess, most especially about the road conditions since I am constantly on the road myself and my body complains even if I don't do so with my mouth. But I hear you loud and clear. We have to appreciate the situation at home and we are as much a victim of social circumstances as the folks we are complaining to. For some, it's like preaching to the choir. Besides, it's just not fair. If I am complaining about all these, what about someone who has never had any opportunity to see anything different? And even worse, some of us "Bintos" could choose to hop back to the "developed" world when the goings get too tough; we are only there for a few weeks or months. Why then complain and add insult to people's injury? 

You spoke well, Moses.

Michael

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On Sunday, October 20, 2019, 2:14:54 AM GMT+1, Assensoh, Akwasi B. <aassenso@indiana.edu> wrote:

Thank you very much, Brother Moses! This primer can, as well, be useful when one visits Ghana, after many years'

absence. I will share it with many of our compatriots!

Again, thank you very much, indeed!
A.B. Assensoh.

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Sent: Thursday, October 17, 2019 10:39 AM
To: usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com
Subject: [External] Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - 12-Point Advice for Diaspora Nigerians Visiting Home

 

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Moses:

Is the Diaspora not about fake stories, fake success, and fake bigmanism?

In what space should an inconsequential middle class person projects grandeur and success if not among the poor people he leaves behind?

TF

Sent from my iPhone

On Oct 17, 2019, at 9:33 AM, Moses Ebe Ochonu <meochonu@gmail.com> wrote:

12-Point Advice for Diaspora Nigerians Visiting Home

 

By Moses E. Ochonu

 

 

1. Check your fake accent at the airport upon arrival. It will get you into serious trouble and alert kidnappers to your diasporic identity and presence.

2. Polish your pidgin and use it right from the airport as you start negotiating with the cab man. Scratch that; in fact, begin using it with the customs and immigration people. Pidgin breaks ice with Nigerians and it will save you money. It may help you pass for a home-based interlocutor and avoid the so-called diaspora tax/price.

3. Lay low. Keep a low profile. Hang out only with folks you trust and do so with utmost discretion.

4. Avoid suspicious places, especially at night.

5. Show respect to figures of authority--soldiers, police, customs, civil defense, Road Safety Officers, NDLEA,VIO, etc. A little respect goes a long way with these agents of security and may even save your life. Show them your abroadian "I'm the man" and "do you know who I am?" attitude and they will kill your a** and, this being Nigeria, nothing will happen. They could even frame you as a drug peddler and an armed robber, not only getting away with your murder but smearing your name and reputation in death.

6. You will be committing financial--and maybe even physical--suicide if you display dollars, spend money recklessly, and consume conspicuously.

7. Know that you cannot solve everyone's problem. You will be inundated with requests and heart-rending stories of suffering and hardship that will torment and sometimes bring you to tears. Do what you can and help those you can to the extent that you can. But don't neglect important projects that brought you home or render yourself broke because you want to display your philanthropic fervor. Besides, sometimes helping in Nigeria can be taken advantage of, as those you're trying to help can sometimes get the idea that you're "loaded" and proceed to set you up for something unpalatable.

8. Although most of your acquaintances and friends may be folks in the upper echelons of Nigeria, be nice to people on the lower rungs of society and treat them like human beings. Many of them work in the service industry and in hospitality, ensuring that your needs are met and that you're comfortable. They do the shittiest jobs and are paid peanuts. Tip them generously, but don't get sucked into their sob stories.

9. Do not let praise and suck-ups, of which you will get plenty, go to your head. It is "eye service" and they mostly don't mean it. And it is because you live in "the abroad" and you have allegedly brought dollars.

10. Bargain with everyone selling you goods or services where the price is not fixed, even though your currency conversion mental calculator tells you not to because the price is only the equivalent of one or two dollars--chicken change to you. Bargaining is not merely a way to save money; it's also an enjoyable rhetorical dance, a way of bonding, and a satisfying mode of social interaction. Bargaining is a social and cultural event with a satisfying outcome. You enjoy a product or service infinitely more when you bargain on the price than when you don't. You rob yourself of this additional gratification if you're "forming" big boy or girl who does not bargain.

11. Do not advertise your visit on social media or post updates and photos of your visit until you have safely returned to your base. If you see social media updates and photos of my visit, know that I'm already thousands of miles away in my base. It's not just because of security that it's a bad idea to announce your visit on social media. It's also because once you do so, everyone who has ever known you now know that you're around and either wants to visit you or expects you to visit them, which is practically, logistically impossible. The result is that a lot of people will be angry with you for not seeing them before you left and you'll be in the debt of many people. You'll send out many apologies with promises to "see them" the next time you visit, which may not happen, further compounding the debt.

12. The Nigerians you will encounter during your stay are your hosts, not your slaves. Do not overburden them with requests and tasks just because they don't mind helping you or it is their job to do so. And don't complain excessively about deficiencies in social services and infrastructure. This is Nigeria, not Obodo Oyibo, so save your First World grievances and preferences for when your return to your base.

Enjoy your trip home, and thanks me later.

 

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