I took your reply personally and will respond in kind. I listed many quotes from my grandmother in her authentic language in so doing, I honour her. Here is your quote:
"And please, let us forget all theorizing and speculating based on
psychology, cosmetology, theology, and other intellectual "dis, dats, and dose"
that are becoming pervasive in this conversation, and let us take a reality
check."
Am I to understand that you are making fun of my grandmother, her people, or her language? Are you saying that the MS dialect which has its roots directly in West African linguistics is somehow humorous, laughable, or invalid? Tell me the truth. If you can only hear White western tongues here it is in French: Dis-moi, c'est une vrai???
Next one: I never excused the beating of the wife. I offered (1) reasons why should looked like she had been hit by a truck and (2) the fact that neither one of these people, by the statements of the children and themselves were acting "right." Consequently, the evidence of the beating may have been the last straw in a long line of offenses ON BOTH PARTIES! This is why we have laws governing what can and cannot be allowed from a spouse. In particular, a spouse cannot be compelled by a court to stand witness against another spouse. In this instance, American law recognizes that the marital contract supersedes the right of the court to obtain information. A spouse has the ability to sit in jail (or not according to the judge) in honour and deference to the marital contract.
Next one: from Mom's Mabley "if you catch someone acting right they are probably not feeling well." You and intellectuals of your unfortunate, unrealistic ilk, seem to have a disconnect when it comes to basic human behaviour. I get the image of you carrying your wife's purse around, sweet as a meek little child, if she should mention that this is her whim. Before you were degreed you were a man and I'm supposed to believe that you have educated your feral, primordial and masculine nature out of existence. To you call your wife "your" wife or "the" wife? She is yours. You are hers. How would you react if there was a physical threat to your wife? Yes, I know. You would stop and consult Hegel or Foucault!!!
Last thing. How DARE YOU assess when a topic has gone on too long or too far. How dare you! When the discussion has stopped it will stop. If you don't like it - don't respond. There are many other threads just waiting for His Majesty's approval or disapproval. Who the hell do you think you are to administrate over anything but your size 8 men's shoes?
I'm very capable of defending myself against anyone. I see your comments as dismissive, self-serving, and without any holistic thought whatsoever. It is as if you went to school and opened your mouth wide and shut your eyes! Am I supposed to believe that there are gangs of African men roaming the land beating and raping their women, daughters, and girlfriends without any thoughts of cessation? Am I supposed to believe that the Nigerian, Senegalese, Muslim, or just plain old AFRIKAN marriage is a hell for their women? You are merely propagating the myth of African men as savages, beasts and animals. Shame on you!!!!!!
If I take your word I would believe just that . I gave you sources, facts, and figures about the solidarity of Black American female life. I gave you sources and facts about the violence in White American female life and all you got out of that entire dissertation I submitted to this forum was a freaking sick comment about my grandmother's language and cosmetology?????
You are a poor student indeed judging by your level of reading comprehension. You are a poor husband and father if you will not agree that your role, away from your title and degree, is to protect, provide and defend the women who look to you for all and more.
La Vonda R. Staples
On Wed, Jun 8, 2011 at 1:14 PM, Michael Afolayan <mafolayan@yahoo.com> wrote:
Ladies and Gentlemen –
I think we need to hold a truce on this matter and intentionally muse. There is
no reason to make an issue of this magnitude a personal crusade and so we should
be as reasonable as humanly possible and let wisdom guide us in navigating the
storm. And please, let us forget all theorizing and speculating based on
psychology, cosmetology, theology, and other intellectual "dis, dats, and dose"
that are becoming pervasive in this conversation, and let us take a reality
check. The proverbial thief has stolen here, as the Yoruba people would say at
such a time as this; there is no moral justification for blaming the owner who
purportedly left his item in an enticing location. A person has been severely
assaulted in this story; should there be a rational justification for beating up
another human-being? Excuse me, but in my mind this is not a woman problem; it
is a human problem and should be seen as such. A change in our narrative on this
matter is on order!
Here is the matter: When anyone raises his or her hand to hit another person and
draws blood in the process, it is known as aggravated assault. In America, even
if you are the sitting president, you WILL go to jail automatically and you
would have yourself to blame for it. It is one situation where you are presumed
guilty until proven innocent. You may be proven innocent if eventually it is
determined you did what you did in say self-defense or your action was
unintentional; but you are initially handcuffed, hauled away in a squad car and
made to spend some time behind bars. It is that serious! Am I missing something?
Why all these emotional pontifications to defend this man, Dr. Wigwe? My
upbringing has taught me that a man who raises his hand to hit his wife (or any
woman for that matter) has lost the inner feeling of modesty, self-respect, and
decorum and no sane person should stand to defend that person except, perhaps,
in the court of law. This is more so in the case of Dr. Wigwe, who I understand
served (or is still serving) as a Nigerian ambassador. My goodness, an
ambassador, by protocol, is addresses as "His Excellency" (H.E.). This is the
same title given to the head of a country. This means this man was the "de facto
president" of the Federal Republic of Nigeria in Kenya. He represented (or is
representing) the entire nation - its cultural, economic, political, and other
social interests. His actions reflect the norms and values of Nigerian people.
If only for that, I would expect something better from him, regardless of the
explanation, and I don't care who is doing the explaining – his colleagues,
admirers, neighbors, passersby, friends, son, daughter or what have you! I
particularly hate the explanation that the wife, Mrs. Wigwe, was a fighter and
husband beater herself even before the couple was married, according to the
husband. Haba, where is the rule of logic here? Why marry a virago if you knew
her as such? And if she beat you up, why not call the police and have her
arrested? Why not ask for a restraining order to prevent her from coming within
certain space of your domicile? Oh, PLEASE!
And my, oh my, this explanation of "it is customary for men to beat women"
should stop. The so called "battered husband syndrome" excuse should stop. They
are demeaning to us Africans and self-serving to their proponents. They should
be seen as aberrations rather than the norm. I am sorry to say, and I thought I
would refrain from personalizing this but I don't know the home individuals grow
up from but I never once saw my own father raise up his hand to hit my mother,
and in case you wonder, I have been married to my wife for 29 years and neither
one of us has ever raised a finger against the other except when we occasionally
give "high fives." Sorry, but my wife is not Mother Theresa, and I am not Dr.
Huxtable of the "Cosby Show" fame either. In my book, however, this is normalcy
and anything to the contrary is eccentricity at its peak.
Honestly, as a husband, father to three girls, a scholar, and normal
human-being, it is hard for me to watch and see the barrage of attacks on Mrs.
Wigwe, who, like my wife or any of my daughters, may not be an angel herself, or
to watch an attempt to silence Dr. Maureen Eke, who is trying to be a voice of
reason in this difficult macabre situation. It is even worse for me to see a
fortress of defense being bulwarked around Dr. Wigwe for what I saw as clearly a
shameless expression of macho-militancy and Stone Age masculinity on his part.
If you beat your dog half the extent to which the picture of this woman shows,
you would be arrested. I hope those of us who are men of conscience can stand up
for this woman and let the likes of Dr. Wigwe know that certain things are
acceptable in our book, and as my village people would say, putting a leash on
the chicken is a shame on the chicken farmer. Beating up your wife is a thing of
shame and any explanation in defense of this folly is a shame on the
wife-beating apologists!
Michael O. Afolayan
From the Land of Lincoln
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La Vonda R. Staples
Adjunct Professor, Department of Social Sciences
Community College of the District of Columbia
314-570-6483
"It is the duty of all who have been fortunate to receive an education to assist others in the same pursuit."
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