Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

Indeed, it is true that more husbands beat their wives compared to wives who beat their husbands. Awka is quite correct in stating that many wives do beat their husbands, sometimes mercilessly. All one has to do is an Internet search of youtube with he words "wife beating husband" to see plenty of this. In Italy, more wives beat their husbands compared to husbands who beat their wives. Even among the widely perceived gentle Swedes, I was quite surprised to learn about many husband and wife beatings. The problem is global; thus, a global remedy is needed.

-----Original Message-----
From: Nkolika Ebele
Sent: Jun 7, 2011 4:58 PM
To: "usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com"
Subject: Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

Madam.,

I think it is wrong to describe another person's experience as untrue. Yes it is customary for men to beat women which is very bad ,but I have also witnessed situations where women abuse their husbands even physically. In one situation  the woman after pounding the man into a pulp,give herself some briuses and start shouting on top of her voice that neighbousr initially thought that it was the man that initiated the beating. On one occassion a neighbour stumbled in and what she saw was unbelievable. There are so many of such cases, it is because the ,men in such situations feel embarassed to tell their story. You know they will not look man eneough in African tradition where the man is expected to be the stronger partner. So better leave this family to sort themselves out.

Nkolika

Awka

----- Original Message -----
From: "Eke, Maureen Ngozi" <eke1mn@cmich.edu>
To: "usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com" <usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com>
Cc:
Sent: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 9:07 PM
Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

Now, I have to weigh in on this.  I have held my tongue, hoping that someone will address the perennial issue of wife beating, among our people. This is a human rights violation covered by the UN convention on the abolition of all forms of violence against women! How do we help our people get it in their heads that one's gender or identify as a woman does not condemn one to exterm1nation?

Despite Dr. Wigwe's claim that he is the abused husband in this case, I hate to say that I am not convinced. Beat the wife or kill her and then demonize her in a public diatribe. Shame on him! Enough! So, someone now feels sorry for him and chooses to ignore that his wife was wounded? 

And, we are to take his narrative as "nothing but the truth?"  What gives him the right to beat his wife or even push her to the point that she is wounded? 

I hate to say this, but I have heard many similar tales from Nigerian and African men who beat their wives and blame them for the incidents. Years ago, the police where I lived brought a young woman to my apartment early one morning (1:00 a.m.) to keep her safe. She had been severely beaten by her husband, threatened with a knife and all of this before her children (two boys), who also have taken to insulting her.  She would not go into a shelter because she was too embarrassed to do so.  For weeks, the woman and I had to devise ways of keeping her safe and making sure her husband did not discover where she was staying, because he was threatening to kill her.  He accused her of prostitution, spent his time demonizing her before his friends--African men, one of whom was present during an earlier incident and had done nothing to stop the abuse. 

I don't want to narrate this whole event; but those of us who speak up and out against wife abuse are demonized, called haters of black men or men in general, targeted for wounding.  How do we end this madness?  I do not care about what the bible says and to hell with any text or culture's code for that matter that deems it appropriate or necessary to abuse a woman, girl, child, or anyone! What baffles me is the ease with which some men forget that they are of women born! So, if a man beats his wife, will he also accept it if his daughter, sister, or mother were beaten, raped, tossed out like a rag?  Many of our sisters have been beaten to near death, caused serious bodily harm, including loss of pregnancies, then, expected to "perform" as wives and when they refuse, violated, because they are still married to these men. Really, poor "gentle" Dr. Chief High Commissioner, who naively "married Tess Iyi Wigwe (nee Oniga) under native law and custom on 9th April 1978," and who "was famous for her temper and fighting ability." So, only now the "gentle "Dr. chief" realizes that they may not be compatible?  Give me a break! 

Frankly, it is time we begin addressing this problem. Our women are being killed and violated everyday in an unofficial war against them. Look at the DRC and South Africa, for instance. Many of our young men are still operating under the belief that it is their right to bludgeon a young woman who stands up to them. It might help if our brothers or men who truly believe in gender equity were to speak up and speak out against these acts.  This is not a problem that threatens women only.  And, if we are to have true freedom or liberation on the continent, then everyone has to be liberated and safe. Don't tell me you are interested or committed to gender studies, women's equity, civil and human rights while engaging in practices that undermine the very issues which you seemingly claim to advocate. Matching some theory with practice would be a good start.

Thanks.

Maureen N. Eke, Ph.D
Professor of English
Central Michigan University
Mt. Pleasant, MI 48859
989-774-1087 (direct line)
989-774- 3171(main office)
989-774-1271 (fax)
eke1mn@cmich.edu or
maureen.eke@cmich.edu
 
roups.com

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