You are absolutely right in calling on all decent African men to stand up to
gender violence. It is arrant nonsense for anyone to compare domestic
violence by women in the realm of hegemonic masculinity to the plague of
women bashing that goes on in parts of our communities. Indeed, our learned
Ambassador should have known better that he was the face of a great nation
to the rest of the world. Indeed, this phenomenon of gender violence by
'Ambassadors' is not a Nigerian peculiarity as at least other West African
country has had representative accused of similar acts. In the case of
former Ambassador Wigwe, if the wife was suffering from mental illness, as
he hinted in his rationalisation, why did he not seek psychiatric help for
her. Furthermore, if the marriage had broken down, is divorce not available
under traditional African law? If this is impossible to obtain, then it is a
recipe for domestic homicide. Finally, you are right to juxtapose gender
violence as a human right issue, like child abuse and gay bashing & killing,
we need to stand up to such barbarous practices.
In solidarity
Tunde Zack-Williams
-----Original Message-----
From: usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com
[mailto:usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Eke, Maureen Ngozi
Sent: 07 June 2011 21:08
To: usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com
Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife
Now, I have to weigh in on this. I have held my tongue, hoping that someone
will address the perennial issue of wife beating, among our people. This is
a human rights violation covered by the UN convention on the abolition of
all forms of violence against women! How do we help our people get it in
their heads that one's gender or identify as a woman does not condemn one to
exterm1nation?
Despite Dr. Wigwe's claim that he is the abused husband in this case, I hate
to say that I am not convinced. Beat the wife or kill her and then demonize
her in a public diatribe. Shame on him! Enough! So, someone now feels sorry
for him and chooses to ignore that his wife was wounded?
And, we are to take his narrative as "nothing but the truth?" What gives
him the right to beat his wife or even push her to the point that she is
wounded?
I hate to say this, but I have heard many similar tales from Nigerian and
African men who beat their wives and blame them for the incidents. Years
ago, the police where I lived brought a young woman to my apartment early
one morning (1:00 a.m.) to keep her safe. She had been severely beaten by
her husband, threatened with a knife and all of this before her children
(two boys), who also have taken to insulting her. She would not go into a
shelter because she was too embarrassed to do so. For weeks, the woman and
I had to devise ways of keeping her safe and making sure her husband did not
discover where she was staying, because he was threatening to kill her. He
accused her of prostitution, spent his time demonizing her before his
friends--African men, one of whom was present during an earlier incident and
had done nothing to stop the abuse.
I don't want to narrate this whole event; but those of us who speak up and
out against wife abuse are demonized, called haters of black men or men in
general, targeted for wounding. How do we end this madness? I do not care
about what the bible says and to hell with any text or culture's code for
that matter that deems it appropriate or necessary to abuse a woman, girl,
child, or anyone! What baffles me is the ease with which some men forget
that they are of women born! So, if a man beats his wife, will he also
accept it if his daughter, sister, or mother were beaten, raped, tossed out
like a rag? Many of our sisters have been beaten to near death, caused
serious bodily harm, including loss of pregnancies, then, expected to
"perform" as wives and when they refuse, violated, because they are still
married to these men. Really, poor "gentle" Dr. Chief High Commissioner, who
naively "married Tess Iyi Wigwe (nee Oniga) under native law and custom on
9th April 1978," and who "was famous for her temper and fighting ability."
So, only now the "gentle "Dr. chief" realizes that they may not be
compatible? Give me a break!
Frankly, it is time we begin addressing this problem. Our women are being
killed and violated everyday in an unofficial war against them. Look at the
DRC and South Africa, for instance. Many of our young men are still
operating under the belief that it is their right to bludgeon a young woman
who stands up to them. It might help if our brothers or men who truly
believe in gender equity were to speak up and speak out against these acts.
This is not a problem that threatens women only. And, if we are to have
true freedom or liberation on the continent, then everyone has to be
liberated and safe. Don't tell me you are interested or committed to gender
studies, women's equity, civil and human rights while engaging in practices
that undermine the very issues which you seemingly claim to advocate.
Matching some theory with practice would be a good start.
Thanks.
Maureen N. Eke, Ph.D
Professor of English
Central Michigan University
Mt. Pleasant, MI 48859
989-774-1087 (direct line)
989-774- 3171(main office)
989-774-1271 (fax)
eke1mn@cmich.edu or
maureen.eke@cmich.edu
roups.com
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