Dominique Strauss-Kahn – and in both cases it's word against word,
although the incredibly courageous Dr. Wigwe has voluntarily come out
in the open with what to some may sound like an extensive ad
misercordiam, a sorrowful narrative in chronological sequence with
stunning insider revelations and in intimate detail too, about his
personal, underdog life-relations with the woman he now calls his
former wife. Perhaps from his cultural or social point of view, it was
expedient to tell the story, but not the most diplomatic move that a
man can make outside the Roman Catholic Confessional, when it could
have been sufficient to give a minimalist account of the accident she
had. Most preferably that instead of the extended bare-all
revelations of the long-suffering, wronged, & wrongfully battered
husband. Perhaps unnecessary, certainly in my opinion -
diplomatically speaking, uncalled for but from his perspective, a
man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, in this case, resulting in the
kind of contempt expressed by one Oladmeji Aborisade, in this forum.
In my opinion that sort of weakness provides a sub-plot that promotes
the villain type in Zola's "Theresa Raquin" sort of marital tragedy.
I think that all the men who have read Dr. Wigwe's response to the
allegations made against him are in deep sympathy with him, especially
me, since I know that such is the strong moral character of the
Honourable Ikwerre man, since I lived with Ikwerre people in Upland
Rivers State for 18 good months and never heard such a story of a
family man, one man's self-restraint and forbearing. I see Dr. Wigwe
as a veritable world champion in loving patience and forgiving.
The Macho men will say it's an extraordinary tale of " woman lappah"
but we ought to have more compassion for the rest of the family ( the
children in particular) being drawn into the public view.
That Kenyan sewer paper ought to be sued. Dr. Wigwe should throw the
whole book at them and collect a few million dollars compensation for
libel, slander etc. etc. That should tecah them not to play with a
Nigerian diplomats diplomatic immunity.....and integrity.....
The president of France and of course all the African presidents were
quietly chuckling to themselves about the Monica L affair, with the
definite assurance that they themselves are so powerful in their own
countries that such a minor everyday chicken event could not possibly
happen to them - and impeachment of the Hogah because he kissed his
secretary of she kissed him in the presidential mansion? Forget it.
Someone asked , "Does anyone know what religious texts (and specific
verses) say about spousal
beating?"
Last week's Torah portion dealt with SOTAH. Not practised any more:
http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_SVSE353&q=Sotah&aq=f&aqi=g9g-s1&aql=&oq=
I don't think that in extreme circumstances, men's extreme emotions
are easily governed by religious rules and regulations. In France at
least there's the sort of crime that's called "Crime of passion."
As Saint Paul says, " All have sinned and fallen short of the glory"
and here is some critical information about " spousal beating":
The significance of Dr. Wigwe's testimony can be summarised in this
mail that I got from a thoughtful Swedish male colleague who I sent a
copy of Dr. Wigwe's explanation and self-defence: He wrote 11:53 AM (7
hours ago)
Hej Cornelius,
Tack för det intressanta brevet. Jag har läst de första sidorna.
En mycket påfrestande situation för honom. Det är bra att han
berättar om män som får problem med kvinnor eftersom det
inte alls bevakas av media på samma sätt som de kvinnor som
misshandlas
och dödas av sina män. Hans historia visar på hur komplicerade
relationer
och människor kan vara. "
Which translates,
"Thanks for your interesting letter. I have read the first pages.
A very stressful situation for him. It is good that he tells of men
who have problems with women because such is not at all covered by the
media in the same way as reports about women who are abused and killed
by their husbands. His story demonstrates how complex relationships
and people can be. "
On Jun 7, 3:57 pm, "Oyedeji, Kale" <koyed...@morehouse.edu> wrote:
> I hope that this forum will not go the way of other Nigerian for a where
> people just can't discuss issues without a test of insult. Dr. Aborisade
> created the subject of his comment based on his judgment which is
> misleading indeed. I'm always amazed how people read and jump to
> conclusion based on only one side of the story.
>
> Please let USAAFRICADIALOGUE remain a gentleman's forum.
>
> 'Kale Oyedeji
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com
>
> [mailto:usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Hamburg, Roger
> P.
> Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:42 AM
> To: usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com
> Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife
>
> Quoting OLADMEJI ABORISADE <olaaboris...@msn.com>:I have no knowledge
> of the circumstances in this dispute but personal attacks defame the
> internet!
>
> > From Oladimeji Aborisade. My reaction to "Wigwe's Epistle". I read
> > it. I think that I understand it. You have ridiculed yourself and
> > indeed your profession.You cannot manage your home and you are an
> > Ambassador. After diggesting your "Epistle",it is a shame on anyone
> > who is still retaining you in public service. You do not deserve it.
> > Your morality appears to be weak or clearly dented. Look, sir, you
> > married with four children whether Church Marriage, Court or
> > tradional. You affirmed that your wife picked another "Man" and lived
> > together for one year at least. You claimed that you married very
> > hurriedly to another "Woman" whom you met for about six months.
> > According to you, that marriage is in trouble. Did you divorce your
> > first wife before you re married?. Or you just took law into your
> > hands that you can mess women around. With your explanation, I will
> > suggest that you see a psychiatrist who will understand your mental
> > incapacitation well. I wish you all the best, but please find your
> > way out of the "Public Service".
> > Thank you,
> > Oladimeji Aborisade
> > Email: olaaboris...@msn.com
>
> > Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 07:41:05 -0500
> > To: USAAfricaDialogue@googlegroups.com
> > From: toyin.fal...@mail.utexas.edu
> > Subject: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife
>
> > Nigerian High Commissioner in Kenya's Official Response to
> > Allegations Wife Beating
>
> > This is a document received on our news desk, an official response
> > from Dr. Chijoke Wigwe, to allegations of wife battering.
>
> > RESPONSE TO
>
> > ALLEGATIONS OF WIFE BATTERING AGAINST ME, DR CHIJIOKE WIGWE,
>
> > BY MRS TESS IYI WIGWE AS PUBLISHED BY
>
> > THE STAR NEWSPAPER ON 26TH MAY 2011
>
> > Background
> > I married Tess Iyi Wigwe (nee Oniga) under native law and custom on
> > 9th April 1978. The girl I married was famous for her temper and
> > fighting ability. With my gentle and unassuming nature, I honestly
> > believed that the sharp contrast in our characters could neutralize
> > and complement each other. It was a grave error of judgment.
>
> > I joined the Nigerian Foreign Service in April 1984 after teaching at
> > the University of Jos for some years. My first posting in 1986 was to
> > Tokyo, Japan. I was in charge of Commercial and Trade Matters. One
> > night in July 1988, I took my female colleague from another Embassy
> > out for dinner. It was actually the first outing. After dinner, I
> > took her in my car in order to drop her off at a train station. As we
> > drove through town, a car which I quickly recognised as mine (I owned
> > 2 cars) and being driven by Mrs Wigwe pulled up beside us at a
> > traffic light. Mrs Wigwe hurled air freshener bottles and any other
> > objects she could find in the car to hit us. I later came down from
> > the vehicle and explained to her who the lady was. But she did not
> > believe me and instead chased me through the city shouting abuses at
> > us and throwing objects at us. When I got to a train station, I
> > opened the door and let the lady out. Mrs Wigwe abandoned her car in
> > the middle of the road causing a big jam as she ran after the lady.
> > She caught up with her and after interrogating her, seriously
> > assaulted her, and beat her so mercilessly using the woman's umbrella
> > that the woman passed out. Mrs Wigwe fearing that the lady was dead
> > fled the scene taking with her the woman's hand bag. Good Samaritans
> > took the lady to hospital where she spent one month in intensive
> > care. I was made to pay the woman's hospital bills. The morning after
> > the attack, Mrs Wigwe traced me to the Embassy where I had taken
> > shelter and took a huge stone and smashed the windscreen of the car
> > to pieces. Mrs Wigwe never admitted to taking the handbag and its
> > contents. However, months later, the wife of a colleague with whom
> > she had left the handbag, confessed. This gross act of violence
> > visited on an innocent woman, so angered the Nigerian Ambassador and
> > the entire staff that it was decided that Mrs Wigwe should be
> > punished severely to deter other wives with such inclinations.
> > Accordingly, she was suspended from post for 3 months and repatriated
> > to Nigeria by the Embassy in October 1988. She spent a total of 6
> > months at home coming back only in April 1989 when my posting came to
> > an abrupt end following the decision of the Ministry of Foreign
> > Affairs to recall over 150 officers worldwide who had spent 24 months
> > and above at post in the wake of the structural adjustment programme
> > of the government of the day.
>
> > That premature recall had a serious psychological impact on my very
> > young family of 4 and I decided to take a one year study leave at own
> > expense ostensibly to pursue a post-graduate diploma in journalism in
> > London, but strategically, to insulate our children from the
> > disruptive effects of the unpredictable posting policy of the
> > Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I therefore took my family along with me
> > at great cost. When I left England in February 1992, I left my family
> > behind. In 1993 I was posted to Warsaw, Poland but my family remained
> > in London for the sake of the children's and Mrs Wigwe's education.
> > Having learnt a bitter lesson from Tokyo, I unilaterally decided that
> > Mrs Wigwe must not live with me at post in Warsaw. Instead, I
> > encouraged her quest for higher education since she had only
> > secondary education when I married her. She graduated from Middlesex
> > University in July 1998. I paid her fees through university from 1993
> > and law school. At the end of my posting in October 1998, I returned
> > to Nigeria. The family, now well established and settled, remained in
> > London. Between 1998 and 1999 I made regular visits to the family. In
> > November 1999, Mrs Wigwe visited me in Abuja and we travelled to her
> > home town. We had a very serious misunderstanding. We returned to
> > Abuja and she travelled back to London. When she returned to London
> > after two weeks, she informed me that she no longer wished for me to
> > come to London as previously planned to spend the Christmas and New
> > Year holidays. All my efforts to reach her by telephone, fax and mail
> > were unsuccessful. The situation continued until 2002 when on
> > transiting London en route New York for an official assignment in
> > July 2002, I discovered that Mrs Wigwe had brought her male lover, a
> > Nigerian of Yoruba tribe, to live with her and the children in the
> > family house. The children told me how they had bitterly resented her
> > and her lover. But she ignored the children and co-habited with her
> > boyfriend in the family house for close to a year. To all intents and
> > purposes, we were still husband and wife; we were not even officially
> > separated! It was then I knew the reason why I had been barred from
> > visiting the family since 1999. Consequently, and bruising from the
> > humiliation she had bestowed on me and the children in particular, I
> > hastily remarried in December 2002. I married my colleague in the
> > service whom I had not actually known for more than six months. By
> > mutual consent in December 2006, we decided to separate amicably and
> > to remain friends which we are to date. As the marriage had no
> > children it was quite easy for us to part. I remained a bachelor.
>
> > Following my nomination as ambassador in September 2007, I called Mrs
> > Wigwe on phone to offer her an olive branch and to ask her to join
> > me, if she so wished, to associate with my new appointment. It was
> > another grave error of judgment. Although I never intended that we
> > should live together under the same roof again as husband and wife
> > given our antecedents and the coldness of feelings that mutually
> > existed between us after many years of separate lives. I was only
> > prepared for her to have a sense of belonging and attachment to my
> > new status considering also that we have 5 children together. I
> > thought the honour was due to her. She accepted and travelled to see
> > me in Abuja in April 2008. Our first encounter after many years,
> > proved to me and I guess to her, that we could truly no longer call
> > ourselves husband and wife. Nevertheless and much to my shock and
> > deep apprehension, she decided to take a leave of absence for 3 years
> > from her employer in London to join me in residence in Nairobi. She
> > insisted that I should take over her monthly expenditures in London
> > including an ongoing mortgage for the family house I had myself
> > helped her to buy in 2004 after she was on the verge of losing it due
> > to lack of funds to meet her housing loan requirements. I did this in
> > spite of not being married to her. I did it for the sake of the
> > children. I could not contest her decision to come and live with me
> > in Nairobi thus I let her come. But, it was clear as crystal that our
> > differences and her mistrust of me and our mutual dislike for each
> > other's company were insoluble but above all that our long evaporated
> > love would never come back. Thus, we have been living in separate
> > bedrooms connected by an inner door that is firmly and permanently
> > locked from her side of the border. We decided to live with as
> > minimal contact with each
>
> ...
>
> read more »
--
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