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From: Superb Nwandu
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From: Superb Nwandu
Recently I was leveled like an old building by my fellow Nigerian female for criticism that I posted in the past. In her post, she asserted that I am "AKALAOGELI", EFULEFU (raga muffin and bastard) and all worth not. She claimed that I could not even sit or have dialogue with the elders of my town because I did not perform the traditional marriage of wine carrying. This person as I understand is a born again Christian who abstains from alcoholic consumption, yet she is making a fuss about wine carrying. I assume she fails to understand that palm wine is an alcoholic beverage.
I cannot understand the basis for most of we Nigerian men, after marrying foreigners and bear children will divorce their whole family in preference of satisfying tradition and travel home to marry a garri/fufu, sometimes nappy haired wife, thinking that it is the best thing and now it is a trend for many Nigerians. The result of this as I have observed is very devastating, resulting in many divorces. Many of these men typically go home to marry younger women, who are typically young enough to be their daughters. With the existence of high blood pressure among us and subsequent medication that goes with it, erectile dysfunctions and many other ailments associated with aging manifests causing the wives to seek divorces for better pastures.
For those of us married to foreigners, my only advice is to stick with the one you love especially when children are involved. Do not try to be like the Joneses because' what worked for your friend might be a trap for you. Women are same thing anyway you look at it and if you are a man enough to control your family, love will always be within by the grace of God. The coldest thing is that when our women come abroad and get to watching Soaps like "young and restless", they become restless and they are already young making them impossible to deal with. Most become empowered by working in high places after education which in most cases are paid for by their husbands. Most husbands in trying to make ends meet work long hours in professions like Taxi driving, mechanics and delivery jobs. These jobs are professional positions abroad and because of the notion that they are for the uneducated back home, these wives look at the men that supported them as not fit or rich enough to be their husbands. It has become a big problem, especially here in the US and for one who has been married to an African American for more than 35 years,, I look at those that took that route as dummies who went home to fetch ant infested fire wood and complain about lizards visiting for buffet. Because of prolonged HBP most men have their manhood dead as door knobs. These young women step outside to seek sexual satisfaction from younger men and in most cases bear children with those younger men without telling their husbands.
My suggestion is for those who fit all the aforementioned to get paternity test if they can afford it or to appear in Maury Pouvich show, where those tests are free. Now fellows, who can predict the percentage of our children born out of wedlock with these dilemma/drama? I don't wanna know because the result will be frightening. For those who think wine carrying is all you need to do to belong, think again because some of our traditions belong to the trash today
Superb Nwandu
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I think, it is all about luck and your ideas towards life. Nigerian or American wife, marriages are like a fulltime job or running a business. If you abuse the rule, the result might drive you unto a deep ocean. Back home, you might not be required to be physically involved with family activities because of helps from trusted friends and extended family members. Here in America, you have to pitch in no matter what your work entails. You might see yourself as the big champ., but when you are confronted with uncertainty, you will be forced to accept that a big champ., must pitch in to make it work. I live in Los Angeles, and the problems with most of our failed marriages stem from money. I do not care whether your American or Nigerian wife is a Jezebel, if you pull your wife aside and sincerely explain to her that things are rough and that she needs to pitch in. I doubt if the response might be bad. We have to find ways to negotiate/not
demand. As to my experience, if you tell a woman to do whatever she sees fit, she will end up doing more than you expected. It's all about respect/the right communication/being honest/considerate for the next person. Money is not everything. If love is all about money,it will end when the money is gone. For God's sake let's stop speculating other people's state of mind when they are involved in a cross-cultural or non cross-cultural marriages!
demand. As to my experience, if you tell a woman to do whatever she sees fit, she will end up doing more than you expected. It's all about respect/the right communication/being honest/considerate for the next person. Money is not everything. If love is all about money,it will end when the money is gone. For God's sake let's stop speculating other people's state of mind when they are involved in a cross-cultural or non cross-cultural marriages!
Lawrenzo
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Enweze,
What a helluva last mane you have here my man. There are many fctors that contribute to the high rate of divorce in the US. I will identify few here. Our cultures and traditions are being exposed here. Our arranged marriages have too many loopholes that are exposed within the US law. Another is the age disparity among these couples. Another is professional equality. Based on this last example, I asked my mom one day if she would have stuck to my father if this kinda opportunity is accorded her . My mother, being a contemporary woman due to her stint overseas to study told me frankly 'NO,NO,NO" Our mothers were very abused by the cultural and traditional provisions of the law. To top it, the societal mouthing will make a woman stay put, coupled with no jobs for women except in their husband's farm and bedroom. That changes if the married couple settles in the US. The females in most cases make more money and know how to use it than men. The women get accustomed to the family division of labor while the husbands still resort to the old ways of; bring me water to wash my hands and hurry up with my meal. You better get in the freezer or they will send it to you by Email. The solution to this problem is to marry the one you love and forget the whol village trying to pick you a wife.
Check out a good fiction book that plays this out by Dr Oliver Akamnonu titled "Arranged Marriage and vanishing roots" Amazon, Barnes and Noble or any source. Good book to read
Obi Enweze, how come Obi can't have a king. I thought the king lives in Obi. Goodbye my man
Superb
What a helluva last mane you have here my man. There are many fctors that contribute to the high rate of divorce in the US. I will identify few here. Our cultures and traditions are being exposed here. Our arranged marriages have too many loopholes that are exposed within the US law. Another is the age disparity among these couples. Another is professional equality. Based on this last example, I asked my mom one day if she would have stuck to my father if this kinda opportunity is accorded her . My mother, being a contemporary woman due to her stint overseas to study told me frankly 'NO,NO,NO" Our mothers were very abused by the cultural and traditional provisions of the law. To top it, the societal mouthing will make a woman stay put, coupled with no jobs for women except in their husband's farm and bedroom. That changes if the married couple settles in the US. The females in most cases make more money and know how to use it than men. The women get accustomed to the family division of labor while the husbands still resort to the old ways of; bring me water to wash my hands and hurry up with my meal. You better get in the freezer or they will send it to you by Email. The solution to this problem is to marry the one you love and forget the whol village trying to pick you a wife.
Check out a good fiction book that plays this out by Dr Oliver Akamnonu titled "Arranged Marriage and vanishing roots" Amazon, Barnes and Noble or any source. Good book to read
Obi Enweze, how come Obi can't have a king. I thought the king lives in Obi. Goodbye my man
Superb
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Compcros
Comparative Cognitive Processes and Systems
"Exploring Every Corner of the Cosmos in Search of Knowledge"
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