In the beginning there was reciprocity of respect between husbands and wives in Africa. In Nigeria, before the ancestral parents of Isaac Newton were born and many centuries before Isaac Newton propounded his law of gravity, husbands in Nigeria calculated the strength of raffia twines in relation to the weight of the body of individuals. The raffia twines were used for climbing 20-50 metres high palm tree to extract palm wine and most importantly to harvest palm fruits. Customarily,husbands used to take care of the palm wine, while wives took care of the palm fruits from which they extracted palm oil and other materials for household use, when the word bio-chemistry was yet to be coined. Just as women could not climb the palm tree so could not men extract palm oil from the palm fruits. It was a society where neither men nor women talked about gender equality but there was reciprocity of respect and recognition of interdependency between the two sexes. Where husbands were hunters, women devised means of turning the meat of the animals so killed to delicious soup and meals. Although our ancestors never knew anything about Lenin, Karl Marx or socialism husbands and wives relations were regulated by the principle of to each according to his/her needs and from each according to their abilities.
My point of departure here is the marriage customs in Yoruba part of Nigeria. The commonest name for husband in Yoruba is BÂLÉ a shortened word for BÀBÁ ILÉ which means the father of the house. The corresponding name for the wife, is ÌYÁ 'LÉ which translates to mother of the house. The three essential qualities inherent in the word BÂLÉ are love, support and protection. By definition, the term BÂLÉ refers to a male-parent, who partakes in the conception and nurturing of a child together with the child's mother in a decent and socially-accepted marital union.He shows tremendous love and care to his child and can go to any length to ensure the child's survival. He is someone that having fathered his child, can stake his life, resources and anything important to make that child and the mother happy. While the father of the house was the main bread winner of the family the mother of the house (ÌYÁ 'LÉ) was the economic manager of family resources. When I was young, whenever any of my sibblings requested anything that will cost money from my father, he used to direct us to discuss it with our mother. As I grew up I came to understand the Yoruba saying: ÒRÌSÀ BI ÌYÁ KÒSÍ; ÌYÁ LALÁBARÒ OMO which means THERE IS NO GOD LIKE MOTHER; MOTHER IS THE COUNSELLOR OF THE CHILD. Since the process through which one could be a father and a mother is by marriage, let us look at the marriage process.
Although it is not forbidden for a male or female to choose who they want to marry with, such intention must immediately be made known to the parents on both sides who will jointly set up a group of intermediaries (ALÁRINÀ). Very often parents play active role in introducing or recommending to their son or daughter a suitable bride and bridegroom. Once the parents' recommendation is accepted, a third party is appointed to approach either the parents of the bride or the bridegroom for their consent to set up a group of intermediaries. The function of the intermediaries is not only to negotiate terms of the marriage but to investigate health, social, and economic background of the would be couples with more emphasis on the bridegroom's ability to maitain a family socially and economically. After the intermediaries have completed their assignments, resulting in the consent of the families and parents on both sides, a wedding day when the bride would be handed over to the husband is fixed. Usually
Subject: Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Should wives be paid?
From: seguno2013@gmail.com
Date: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 19:24:35 +0100
To: usaafricadialogue@googlegroups.com
Who pays the husband for all that he does for the happiness and maintenance of the home including the children?
Segun Ogungbemi Ph.D
Segun Ogungbemi Ph.D
Professor of Philosophy
Adekunle Ajasin University
Akungba-Akoko, Ondo State
Nigeria
Cellphone: 08033041371
08024670952
Dear Ifedioramma E. NwannaWhat you say is very close to the absolute ideal...These are the qualities of the good wife (composed by Abraham on behalf of his wife Sarah) and incorporated by King Solomon in the concluding verses of Proverbs.
Here's a much better translation
On Saturday, 15 November 2014 00:13:19 UTC+1, Ifedioramma E. Nwana wrote:Who is employing the other? Who should pay the wages? Is it no longer an equal partnership with shared joys and responsibilities? Come on do not feel subjugated any longer!On Friday, 14 November 2014, 21:06, 'Felicia Oyekanmi' via USA Africa Dialogue Series <usaafric...@googlegroups.com > wrote:
Househelps have conditions of their service specified and they get paid. No condition of service is defined for housewivws yet they are occupied (employed 24 hours in a day). So what is wrong in some monetary renumeration being paid for the work done by housewivws?
Prof Felicia A. D. Oyekanmi
Department of Sociology
University of Lagos
Akoka, Yaba,
Lagos Nigeria
Tel: {234} 1 7941757
Cell: {234}8056560970
--------------------------------------------
On Thu, 13/11/14, Yona Maro <oldm...@gmail.com> wrote:
Subject: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Should wives be paid?
To: "Afric...@yahoogroups.com" <Afric...@yahoogroups.com>, "Afri...@yahoogroups.com" <Afri...@yahoogroups.com>, "All Nigerians In Diaspora" <Niger...@yahoogroups.com>, "kenya...@yahoogroups.com" <kenya...@yahoogroups.com>, "malawi_l...@googlegroups.com " <malawi_l...@googlegroups.com >, "naijaintellects" <naijain...@googlegroups.com >, "NigeriansnCanada" <Nigerian...@yahoogroups.com >, "Nigerianworldforum" <NIgerianW...@yahoogroups.com >, "talk...@yahoogroups.com" <talk...@yahoogroups.com>, "USAAfricaDialogue" <USAAfric...@googlegroups.com >, "wanabidii" <wana...@googlegroups.com>, "wana...@googlegroups.com" <wana...@googlegroups.com>, "wanat...@googlegroups.com" <wanat...@googlegroups.com>, "Wanazuoni" <wana...@yahoogroups.com>, "youngprofe...@ googlegroups.com " <youngprofe...@googlegroups.com >
Date: Thursday, 13 November, 2014, 18:05
Here
is Roy Hauya's take:
-----------------------------------
"We
need to understand that if a woman is paid for the chores
that she does at home, she can also be dismissed for
unsatisfactory performance and no divorce will be needed.
The husband - wife relationship will disintegrate and usher
in the employer – employee relationship, making the
sanctity of family lose worth, hence prompt unmatched
domestic violence. This
is why I find the suggestion very demeaning to the women as
it reduces them to glorified housemaids."
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