TO THE GENERATION THAT FAILED US
It's been very vain and frustrating trying to understand how we, scrap that, how you all got it wrong. I mean at what point did everything veered off to become this horrible? Like a friend once said, the problem with Nigeria and Africa at large is that it has too many problems. So, I'd just tell you how yourgeneration, especially the academics, has failed us, and how that is a big problem. I wish I can delve into your contribution to the political and economic failure, but thinking about it alone knocks me into depression. I'm sure you are aware of the increase in depression and suicide rate – just a heads-up, the next one of us can be your child, grandchild, close relative or all at once.
Now, let me walk you down your shameful memory lane, which you'd agree to at the end, so don't get angry nor fight it yet.
You should remember the last time you met one of your supervisees at a conference; yes, that big one. Well, he told us how you scornfully asked what he's doing there and how you think he's neither brilliant enough nor at that stage he's preparedto have his own. We weren't surprised at all, it would have been bizarre if you'd acted otherwise. In between, a colleague had suggested he ought to have told you he came to count the number of bald heads at the event. Lol! But your supervisee understands better, dem no born em papa well to even answer you, each syllable in response would be a failure or an extra year, we all know how you've taken so much pleasure in supervising your PhD students for lengthy years, how you think 3-5 years is not enough. The average is 9 years, quite a record!
Haa, another heads-up. Lasisi is not quite pleased with you sir o;he's getting frustrated and depressed by the minute. For your safety, try not to invite him again to your house on Saturdays to wash your car while you quickly go through his work. I know the urge is hard to resist, but Lasisi is waiting for the right moment to loosen the bolts and nuts of your vehicle tires. You see, I just saved your life. Well, not really…Ajao, the onisangoboy, is plotting another evil, which I think is crueler, but as itwon't affect your family, at least not in the technical sense, so I think it's fair enough. Can't really remember what is own frustration is all about (we live in an abundance of it), but I think it's something about you never being available to read through his works, travelling up and down like the Biblical Satan, yet you refused others to supervise him.
Like Da Grin fingered the politicians in his "Democracy," we also wander if you learn anything at all from your Harvard and Toronto visits because it only gets worse whenever you return. You deliberately miss lectures then fix a nine hours class at a stretch at any random day of your choosing. I particularly remember the one you fixed on a Sunday and a colleague had to faint at the sixth hour to break us free from the class. And after exams, you'd remember how the exam script for the entire class went missing, not that you mark them to start with, we are used to the random marks…but misplacing the entire class scriptswas a new one. You'd never stop shaking your head at the decline in reading culture among the millennials; somehow, we fear your head might just go all the way to the back. You remember how you mock and bamboozle us about DambudzoMarechera, Chinua Achebe, Nadine Gordimer, Nurrudin Farrahand co; for the record, we've read them all but we are more interested in the narratives of Romeo Oriogun, Razak Malik, Tomi Adeyemi, Taye Selasi, Ayobami Adebayo, GbengaAdeshina, Chinua Ezenwa-Ohaeto, Taiye Ojo, Nana ArhinTsiwah, Dami Ajayi, Yejide Kilanko and the rest because they speak to our agonizing realities. And its embarrassing to think you've not even read none of them. You're stuck in the past, and we don't belong there with you.
Congratulations sir, heard you just bought a new house. There are rumors that the cash is from the recent research grant you bagged while you research team (your MA and PhD students)works their brain off day-and-night with neither compensation nor appreciation. At least, give them money to buy data for the same research work they do or eat Amala, even if na once. Abegna! They've needs and families too. Meanwhile, thank you for telling us Dr. Borokini lifted his notes from the internet. You're indeed right and it helped us to stop writing lengthy notes during his lectures; meanwhile, we saw yours too on Sparknotes, and not even a coma amiss. En no mata sha…all hustle na hustle but stop doubting us when we tell you our assignments are original (I'm not swearing on that). We understand, you don't trust us.We've noticed how you get bitter every time we cite the Andersons, Eagletons, Vickers, Hallidays and Thatchers, well,the feeling is mutual and it's intentional!
We know what happens every time you 'mistakenly' brush your palms through the butt of our female colleagues: they get an invite to your office. We know how abruptly you go to your knees during casual conversations, telling them about how your wife has not been available (whatever that means), we knowhow you eventually manipulate them to give you a blowjob (your favorite) or a quickie, and the promise of how you can go to any extent to help them too. You're such in a haste to lock the door the last time with Chidera. She called your attention to it, but your lust was on intense heat for to care. We were somewhere around peeping, and it was such a disgusting sight! They cry and complain to us every time; they think we are too weak to do anything about it. No! We are just undecided yet on which pole to hang your sac at the faculty when we eventually stormed your office in the act. But be sure that day is nigh! You even claim it's consensual sometimes…continuu. So, we understand every time you support a colleague alleged of sexual abuse with their students, you'd say "it's not rape and they are all grown after all". Well done sir, more grease to your member!
I can go on and on, but I know your conscience is dead. We've looked somewhere else for the progress and uprightness we desire. To your generation that failed us, continuously does soand those that remains indifferent/silent too, we'd clean your mess but we are only waiting to be hateful enough to tell you we don't wish you well in the afterlife – of course, we'd be seeing you off there.
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