La Vonda R. Staples
University of Missouri St. Louis
Psychology and History (Contemporary Europe) Alumna
I have devoured every inch of this issue and I was especially touched by the letter written by Dr. Wigwe's son. A son defending a father against a mother? There seems to be a biological imperative for sons to hold their mothers in highest regard. Even a mother who is no better than a cat can find a lifelong friend in her son (especially the youngest son.
The other peripheral information I examined was the extent of Mrs. Wigwe's injuries (I didn't examine her personally I looked at the photos). Before I attended college, graduate school, and taught in the university and community college systems (five years altogether) my career and occupation was at Lancome. I was a make up artist, cosmetics salesperson, and a skin care consultant. Mrs. Wigwe is an abuser of a chemical called hydroquinone - a skin bleach. The highest concentration that can be bought in the United States is 2% chemical in a cream that is 98 percent of package contents. From a dermatologist the highest concentration is four percent in a 96 percent cream. Walk with me, this has a point, several points.
Women who abuse hydroquinone develop two conditions directly relative to the integumentary system. First, there's the "sunburst" look on their faces. Now that I've told you what it is you'll know what it is immediately. On darker skinned women their skin will appear ashen. The second effect of over-use of this chemical in women who are of the age of Mrs. Wigwe (and me) is crepe-paper thin skin which ages quickly, especially around the eyes. Internally the product causes severe problems in the lymphatic system and I suspect it is at the root of Mrs. Wigwe's yellowing of the whites of her eyes.
Now here's the point. We look at those photos and imagine an hour-long beating. I don't think anyone who knows anything at all about these chemicals would conclude that Dr. Wigwe didn't open a can of whoop-ass on his spouse. But, I'm offering a reason why (other than the beating) that Mrs. Wigwe appeared as if she had been beaten by SEVERAL people! There's also a psychological component. For those of us who use these things (yes, I bleach as well and have done so for several years) there is, at one end, a tacit admission that one doesn't like oneself in order to simply participate in this act of racial self-hatred. Do you think this only played out in her skin-care regimen?
I recently relocated back home from DC. In my entire life (and if God wills, insha'Allah I will be 45 in October) I never KNEW that there are products geared to African women which enable them to apply hydroquinone ALL OVER THEIR BODIES! I went into "African" stores and found products called, "Bleche Blanc" and "Le Klair" and so many, many more products marketed to Francophone Africa. Beautiful women on the bottles and jars and the instructions in English, French and Portuguese. So, the beating Dr. Wigwe gave his wife is more than likely a drop in the bucket compared to how she feels about herself. I'm not in her mind and I can't say how she feels. I'm going by that sad, sad, tremendously sad letter written by her youngest son. "My sister had to use her credit cards to get food." "My daddy has always taken care of our needs." I felt like the worst voyeur reading such a mournful discourse.
Going to another point. I'm also a mother of five sons aged 19 to 26. Ask me how many times they have been assaulted by a girl, told a teacher or principal, and then after handling a situation correctly were informed that somehow, a woman/girl has a right to use physical violence against a man and a man cannot defend or retaliate? Give me a dollar when you ask the question and I'll have enough to return to DC. I'm a mother of very large men (they are five foot eleven to six foot four) and I'm telling you that men have feelings to. Men have rights. Men are not punching bags for out of control females. If we, in the United States, have an actual legal defense which is colloquially known as "fighting words" then why do we want to participate in the fantasy that NOTHING a woman says or visits upon a man can compel him to an immediate act of physical rage? Here's the caveat to that: it is possible to defend and run without beating the hell out of someone (as it appears to have gone with Mrs. Wigwe).
Going to another point. Was it not possible for Mrs. Wigwe to leave Dr. Wigwe without interrupting his income and therefore the income of the family? If they had a row on one particular day why is she showing herself, like an American talk-show participant, to every camera with batteries and a lens? Especially when one thing is true: neither party comes to the court with clean hands. In the words of my 95 year old grandmother, "bof uh dem was actin' a fool." Shake hands and walk away.
Finally, in response to the posts regarding wife-beating in Islam. I would like to gently remind you all, my colleagues, that Shari'a law is Semitic law. It is the law of nomadic peoples. It is also the laws created by a Jewish and later Christian book. It is in the Old Testament in the Book of Leviticus. The same chapter we use to beat up on the Muslims is also in the Holy Book of Christendom, be ye Protestant or Catholic. It is the self-same book which castigates homosexuality and allows for wife-beating and honour-killing. The same book also says that masturbation is an abomination in the sight of God (as a lateral and not a lesser) along with "man lying with man." To come out of religion and to go to the United States Department of Justice. The most dangerous place for a White, Christian woman is in her own home. The person most likely to be shot with a legal handgun is the spouse and/or the children of the owner. Infanticide, in the United States, to a 90 percent degree of efficiency is a crime of a single racial/gender demographic: White females. The same is true of spousal contract killing.
Into this violent western panorama comes the African immigrant and his wife. At the worst possible time to be educated and no experience which can be verified in this country. With massive influence by Western media outlets which give an absurd interpretation of what a wife should or should not have (see any "Real Housewives" television broadcast and you'll think every divorced woman or baby momma is pushing at least one Benz). Put this knowledge in the mind of the struggling immigrant wife. I'm not being condescending. In the 1960's and 1970's Black American women also committed this grievous error of believing the rhetoric of western and White women's movements. Although I have been blessed with two marriages and a possible, my sisters have not fared so well. Most educated Black women will NEVER marry. Three-fourths of all African American children are born illegitimate. That television, those movies, and that music are more powerful than a ball of crack and heroine soaked in a bottle of 100 proof tequila. Our media distorts minds and ruins marriages and brings cultural practices to a standing, fatal, unchanging halt. I put to this forum my hypothesis marital violence in the homes of African immigrants has something to do with economy but also the psychological effects of American media and American individualism and American porcine consumption.
In the end. I can sit back in my chair. With my sons sitting around me in various stages of the itis (the lethargy you get after consuming soul food) and say, "that poor family." No one is going to hit me in my face. I keep my skin bleacher at 2%. I don't ask for things I can't have and I try to make all of the children (my 13 year old wears her hair in braids that I braid with my own two hands) on what we have to spend. I don't participate in fronting or flossing. I learned that lesson and paid for that experience a long time ago. I'm not a "real" American. I'm not like the women on TV. I wouldn't be any fun to watch, kneeling on the floor cleaning the bathroom in my makeshift apron of Igbo cloth), cooking, reading Dr. Falola's books, or re-writing a paper for Dr. Emeagwali. I should delete this post for fear of deportation. I wouldn't let some sorry man use my face for a punching bag without a trip to the hospital for him and a trip to the police station for me (oh didn't I tell you, sympathy for battered women is reserved for the small, old, and White - I'm not any of those things). I also would not have allowed that beating to make that man lose his job. As I said before, it appears that both parties failed to wash before they went to the world court. They should have kept all of that wahala to themselves.
Thank you and I encourage responses and feedback.
On Tue, Jun 7, 2011 at 6:04 PM, Cornelius Hamelberg <corneliushamelberg@gmail.com> wrote:
Please excuse me. I posted the wrong link.
Here is more compassionate light on how Islam deals with domestic
violence:
http://www.google.com/search?q=Domestic+Violence++in+Islam&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
On Jun 8, 12:33 am, Cornelius Hamelberg <corneliushamelb...@gmail.com>
wrote:
> I believe Dr. Wigwe and according to Dr. Wigwe's testimony he has
> been suffering as a hen-pecked husband over a long period of time and
> this is not a side issue:
>
> http://www.google.com/search?q=Domsetic+violence+against+men
>
> It's the sort of issue that is surely being addressed by people like
> Pastor Adeboye, the Rev. Commander Pastor Ebenezer Obey and perhaps
> more importantly, the Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social
> Development.
>
> Fortunately, Dr. Wigwe is not a Muslim and so is not under a cloud of
> suspicion that he was acting under legal cover, to some extent
> provided by Sharia and that he had merely exceeded the limits set by
> Islamic Law. And by the way here the Islamic law is not being
> vilified but explained in a more compassionate light:http://www.google.com/search?q=OIC+Fatwa+on+Domestic+Violence++in+Islam
>
> So the question that remains is what does Nigerian Law say about
> domestic violence?
> And Kenyan Law?
>
> To Abdul Bangura: you talk about Italy and and the widely perceived
> to be gentle Swedes, but what can you tell us about the African
> Diaspora in the United States with regard to violent wife-husband dis-
> agreements?
>
> And apart from Islamic education and respect for Sharia etc. what
> global remedy do you suggest for the majority of people who are not
> Believers?
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La Vonda R. Staples
Adjunct Professor, Department of Social Sciences
Community College of the District of Columbia
314-570-6483
"It is the duty of all who have been fortunate to receive an education to assist others in the same pursuit."
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